Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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