I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
