first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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