Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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