I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
