every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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