So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
