I just pynch a tree in the face
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can I color on your dick again?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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