okay pat passed out under dana's car
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
