Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize