You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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