fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
