It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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