he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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