Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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