did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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