I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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