i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
