I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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