PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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