I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
