Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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