Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
