Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
