I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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