Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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