There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
