I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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