How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
