I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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