this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
