I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize