Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
