i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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