I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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