I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
