Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
