I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
