I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
