well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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