worst night to have a conscience
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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