Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
