she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
