So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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