He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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