they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
