i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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