i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
