wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
