dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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