Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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