shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
