I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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