How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
