This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize