i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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